Thought, Memory, Wish, Hope, Dream

So I thought about us today

Not just a passing thought, it was a future memory

Whatever it was about, I couldn’t say I remember.

But I do know u were all in it

Maybe it wasn’t a memory, could be a wish

It could be what will happen, or maybe it was a wish

Yes that’s it, a wish, a hope, or no a dream

A dream of a happy future for me, no for us

I want u to be the E 4 me in WE

I want you to complete me

I want to be the one that gives you the missing puzzle piece

I wanna be your rock

Your muse for you music, the center of your artistic vision

Your thought, your memory, your wish, no your hope, or your dream....Everything

1(you)x2(us)=Everything

So I can see you

But when can I be with you?

I see us

I see we

In a sense

I smell you

Just to touch you

If in the mist of passion

I would like to taste you

For one time

To have you near

I have to just hope to

I have a heart

But it belongs to you

I’m brave

But it’s fueled by protection from you

For what?

Why do I depend on you?

I am puzzled by emotions that I give off to you

If it isn’t you for me then who?

I take my time and think of for a few

But you are who I come back to

Why and who are you?

Could you be what I want you to?

No, but it’s so hard for you

Love is not a battle

But I fight for you

And im the victor after cause you’re here with me

But when you leave my heart is beside you

Which means to the world im heartless because of you

Do you even know what you are to me?

Congratulations baby

Because you are some TWO’s EVERYTHING

Trying to understand..i can't

You know, it’s funny how shit happens. Your in the moment, it’s a situation happening, someone makes you feel needed, you address the issue, have it taken care of and then for what? My mind, while racing and slightly irritated, Im still not moved. See I have heard of situations and domestic violence issues, but me myself through the grace of god has never had to experience this first hand. I feel so stupid in a sense, and also torn between two feelings. I want to close the door on a friend but I can’t. But there is nothing more that I want to do at this point. I wanna say fuck it you dumb bitch, but I can’t. I wanna say your better then this, but I wont. I wanna say there is someone else out there for you, but I refuse to do so. Yet you pride ur self on saying that I am your friend and you put me above others but then u don’t do that. Now im not asking you to do as I say at all times, but I am saying look in the mirror, look at the deep gash in you neck that was infected. Look at your arms, and all the marks that are slowly fading away. Look in you bathroom of your new apartment, the flower pot that was the color scheme for it, broken out of rage. Who are you? You’re not the smart person I cherish as a friend. You’re not tough, you’re little. Your small, your nothing. While to me your everything, but to her, a punching bag. I love you dearly but I just can’t fathom what you could possibly gain from an abusive relationship.

All Eyes On You

Ok, so I read this book about a week ago called Going Broke. It’s By: Trista Russell. Part of it stood out to me because of the semi relationship that I take part in. The main character Sarai turned a guy down when he tried to talk to her because he didn’t have a business card. Then when she had a change of heart and tried to talk to her, he turned her down. Now dude does poetry, and she was at a poetry club where he preformed and dude did a poem called “Business Card”. It was all about Sarai. Now after dude read the poem, Sarai felt like everybody in the room knew that the poem was about her. Now why can I relate to this? Because I change my mood and status on Myspace quite often. And a lot of the times I am either going through changes with my ex or happy about my ex….its usually about my ex, follow me??? Any who, my ex gets extremely upset everytime she reads my status. And its like wow, no one knows it’s about you. But it’s weird. It’s like the guilt is so overwhelming. It’s kinda crazy because if you have some much guilt about what you’re doing, then way do it? And now back to the book, when the poem was over and Sarai met up with dude and actually had a convo with him, she was feeling him and gave him a chance. Now my ex knows what I am about and also knows that I will never do anything hurtful on purpose. So why not give me a chance to prove myself as someone who can and will make you happy??? Idk….. Done

Venting

So um, let’s see…. My life, yet as imperfect as it is, its mine. I don’t wish to be something or someone im not. I love me, I may not show it to myself enough but I do. I love the women that I have become, despite all of the mistakes that I have made or will make in the future. Now as far as me “wanting to be like SOMEONE”…… negative. I wouldn’t want to walk in your shoes for the life of me, though I wish my feet were your size so I could get all my shoes in kids sizes……lol. But other then that naw boo, I could never nor would I EVER wanna be you. What makes this blog different from yours is it aint gonna be disrespectful (well not toward you), it’s tasteful like myself. Im not gonna say “bitches this or bitches that” naw im gonna say Tiffani. It’s just you, no one else. And myspace boo? You gotta be kidding me, my status from the other day wasn’t even about you. And truthfully whatever disaggrement that we have is between us…. Dana honey, according to you im quote “single, fat and ugly”. That may be true in your eyes, but I know a few others that feel just a tad bit different. Now be clear sweetness, I don’t give a fuck about you. I don’t say shit to you and I don’t think about you. So I assume you wanna slide me because me and your girlfriend had a “disagreement” that she choose to blow completely out of proportion. Again, that has nothing to do with you. Dana, that’s one other thing that you don’t know about your girlfriend. Everytime she gets a girlfriend, she cuts me off or we start beefing. Don’t ask me why she does it but she does. And I don’t see it as a big deal. So all this tick for tat shit is completely played. Whenever Tiffani gets out of her feelings, im sure she will call or text me. Or I will probably be the one to do the calling or texting, not a problem. Tiffani, for real honey look at the big picture. You think im jealous of you? I don’t even roll like you man, that aint even my nature. Im not a jealous person at all boops. For what exactly? Because you have a girlfriend and I don’t? Because you lost weight and I didn’t? What else do you think it is boo? Tell me because I would love to know. I thought you knew me better then that but I guess not. You can hop on here and be fake to these people that don’t know shit about you but not me. So….. With that being said folk’s im out.